In Die Schweiz

Arrived in Switzerland a few days ago now. Just boarding the train in Germany gave me a taste of the delicacy of wealth I was about to sink my teeth into. The train, with its plush spacious seats and immaculate trimmings, was 1st class even in 2nd.

I alighted in Zurich - known as Zu Reich ('too rich') by anyone living there who does not own a private leer jet. The train station was full of markets and gleaming lights - a cosy preparation for Christmas that would have eased me into comfort if I hadn't nearly swallowed my own tongue seeing the price of the food. A quick calculation gave me two options: I could either stay a night and eat a döner kebab, or retreat back into Germany and live for another 3 weeks. A fear of moving backwards combined with an optimistic indifference made up my mind, and I pushed onward, out of the station and into the collection of banks and their supporting periphery that is considered a city.

If I wasn't already feeling linguistically inadequate, the regular public announcements in German, French, Italian and English made sure of it. Like in Sweden, it's actually more offensive in this country to ask if someone speaks English than to assume it.

So, after 20 minutes waiting in line, and 20 seconds talking to the tourist guide, I knew the cheapest hostel in the city. Still cost more per night than most of my dental work, but everything's relative.

I tightened my belt around my stomach to crush the hunger, and headed for the hostel.

With a packet of spaghetti and a can of sauce, I kept myself going for the two days I was there, managing to look less well-equipped for the cold than most of the homeless. I wandered the streets like a matchstick girl in London, pressing my face up to the shop windows, gazing at the cosy arrangements of jewellery and feeling the warmth of wealth seep into my cheek.

The architecture in Zurich is interesting. Most of the modern buildings have been constructed entirely of recycled material. Surplus gold bullion and any Franc notes that no longer crackle with newness are mixed in a vat of warm lentil soup and compacted into high-density bricks. They're held together with a kind of organic super-glue made of genetically enhanced truffles.

As I wandered, I had a sudden idea that it would not take long to shake off the feeling of destitution that the absurd wealth gives one. The money is not just in the buildings: it is in the people themselves, and in the very air they breathe. Wander around for long enough and drink the dripping riches from the atmosphere and osmosis would be bound to have an affect - one would surely appreciate in value like a weet-bix soaking in milk. So I raised my hands above my head, opened my chest and started inhaling deeply.

5 minutes later, I had frost-bite on my fingers and the dull pain of freeze in my lungs. My pockets did indeed feel heavier, but then so did the slowly freezing dribble coming out of my nose.

The experience did not dampen my spirits. I have, after nearly a week in the country, found nothing to complain of that is not due to my rapidly declining finances. The people here seem to have the same substance of character that attracted me so much to northern Germany. The country is tiny, and the cities have been carefully arranged to allow one to travel from any of them to any other of them in exactly 1 hour. Which is disappointing, because with the price of the rail tickets, I never want to get off the train.

The Swiss that I have met so far have been astoundingly vivacious. They have a seriousness that is unencumbered by dreariness and a confidence that is not a cover for insecurity.

So far, my impression of the Swiss has been Germans with Dutch accents. History would suggest they also differ somewhat in their ambitions for world domination, but that's not a feeling one can get talking to people in the street. My friends here have been outstandingly hospitable and welcoming, and that is something I encountered throughout Germany also.

In the next week I will do my dogged best to uncover the foibles of Swiss society that excite my criticism, but I expect it to be hard work.